I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
