If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
