i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
