feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This house was built for laser tag.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
