How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
