I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
