I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Im part way to drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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