My brain says no but my pants say off.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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