I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
