My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
