I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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