ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
