Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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