I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
