Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
