Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
