so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
