he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
