Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
