Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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