dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
