then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
