I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
