I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
