this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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