A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No subtext here. People are naked.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
