You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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