They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize