we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
