well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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