his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize