It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
