i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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