I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
