i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
