so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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