So drunk its hurt
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
