I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
