I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
