We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Two words: blizzard sex
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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