Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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