Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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