You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
