i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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