can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize