Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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