you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
