now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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