When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
