Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
