Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
