Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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