we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What a dumb baby whore.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
