I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
