we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
