How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize