A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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