I bet he comes in French.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We need to get me chipped asap
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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