Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
