apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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