We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
