What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
