my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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