i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
