Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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