Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have aggressive nipples.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
