yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
