I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
