I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
