I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
