and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
